Sun, Jul 06, 2003 - 3:07 a.m.

Okay, now that I've puked (and I'm finally calm) I can write.

My big sister just called bawling from a bus station in Louisiana. She's on her way home (with the baby...my neice Jolie) and Joey (the baby's father) is crazy and after her. Sounds a little trailer trashish and ghetto eh...I know!

And then there's me who worked out like crazy this morning (legs), then got in a huge fight with Nick and told him NOT to call me; then came home and spent the day (pretty much literally) barfing.

I sound pretty screwed up myself.

And things were going so well....sort of.

It's like HOME is barf time. Whenever I'm at my house (and not with Nick) I become rampantly bulimic. When I'm with Nick (which lately has been ALL THE TIME...night and day) or at work I'm such a good little girl; eating healthy being pretty much happy.

I puked so much today I swear I lost 5 pounds. I look really fucking skinny. I'm usually not this bad, but I've been depressed about fighting with Nick (that sounds really lame); and I felt totally alone since I tried really hard to go out tonight; but realized I'm friend-less when I couldn't get a hold of anyone. My stomach is killing me...it feels like my insides are being ripped apart. My upper body (especially chest) is sore as hell from my workout last week...and my legs have just started killing me from my work-out this morning.

I feel like just leaving. Sometimes I think the only reason I'm still here is Nick. Otherwise I'd have taken my savings and just fucking LEFT.

Nah...I'm too much of a coward. I'm too afraid to make a move of ANY KIND with my life. I'm just lame like that.

I wish I'd just get over it.

LoveGrace