Sat, Feb 08, 2003 - 11:36 a.m.

Last night was straight out of a movie or something.

I could tell Nick was trying really hard to make it a good night for me. I've been really fucked up lately and I know he can tell I'm sort of having a hard time. He's really good at psycho-analyzing people (he's taking Psychology in University); but I guess I was acting too crazy for him (give me a break I WAS drinking) because he got mad at me on the way home and I just burst out crying. Maybe it has something to do with the new pills I'm on but I've been a total emotional spaz lately.

He pulled the car over and hugged me and told me he loved me and (for God's sake I'm crying right now)---we just sort of talked things out. He's so smart it really blows my mind. I'm really lucky--but I need to stop being such a freaking nutcase. I need to pull my fucking insides together because that's the problem. On the exterior I'm polished and perfect (not that I'm sick of hearing it) but right now I'm a mess inside. I wasn't always like this. What the hell is going on?

I think I have a chemical imbalance.

LoveGrace