Sat, Oct 05, 2002 - 12:55 p.m.

Is it possible that I'm MORE attractive than I even think I am? Last night at the club with Lindsay was ridiculous. Funny thing is I didn't even want to go--I felt tired and shitty. But I've never had to turn down more guys in my life--and I've turned down ALOT of guys. I actually was starting to really feel bad for Lindsay because it was sooooooo insane how many guys invited me to parties, asked me for my number, asked me to come dance, and made a huge fuss whenever I walked by "WOW", "Holy FUCK!", etc.

There was this one who was actually REALLY adorable, and I played it cool and didn't flirt in any way or anything, but after Linds and I danced our last song and left--I noticed he started to leave too. He pretty much chased me down to ask me my name and if he could call me sometime. I was like SORRY I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

I do, and he's awsome but I'm never going to be one of those girls who devotes herself entirely to her man. I mean of course I'll always be loyal and stuff (duh I wouldn't give my number away at a bar anyhow!)--but I see women at my work every day and it seems like they all go about relationships the wrong way. They all try too hard because they're so insecure with themselves. If Nick has any doubts about me EVER, then I wouldn't want to be with him. I'd say SEE YA! I can get any-fucking-one I want so I'm not going to act like a pussy to keep my man--if anything it's always been the reverse with me. My mom says it's because I'm dominant or something, but I think it's a security thing. That's why Nick and I work so well--we're both secure and equal. That's the way it's gotta be.

I got my body weight and fat percentage done again yesterday. I'm still at 13% which is what I've been for months! I'm afraid it might go down to 12% before the competition because I'm training alot. 12% is really low, but I'm still healthy and getting my period...I still have big boobs, so I must have enough bodyfat on me still--I'm just lean.

I can't wait to see Nick today (he's picking me up around supper time) because I haven't seen him in 3 days.

My tattoo is getting more vibrant and pretty -- I love it! If you wanna know what it looks like check out the BRITNEY SPEARS CD. I got the yellow fairy, only Cory made it dark bluish/purple. So cute.

LOveGrace