Wed, Oct 30, 2002 - 8:47 a.m.

I got home SOOO LATE last night. Why am I up so early?

I'm proud of myself because I almost just ate some peanut M & M's then stopped myself at the last second. I told myself "Nick wouldn't eat these". It's so nice to have a healthy boyfriend--if not for him I would have told myself there's protein in them and stuffed my face. Then I would have felt guilty and eaten some other kind of unhealthy junk food that my dad has a tendency to purchase on weekends, and the cycle would have continued. And I've been so good lately.

This no/low carb thing really sucks though, and I can't wait for this week to be over so I can eat relatively normal (for me anyway) again. My diet over the past two days has basically consisted of: skinless chicken breasts, protein shakes, tiny bites of low-carb protein bars, a few fruits and veggies sprinkled in here and there (before 4 p.m.), oatmeal, nuts, whole peanut butter, tuna, Crystal Light, herbal/green tea, egg whites and H20. It's so weird not being worried about the fat content of things like I used to. Truthfully the carbs and sugars in something are far more dangerous if you're worried about gaining weight. I can eat all the "healthy" fats all I want these days and the weight still seems to be melting off. I don't want to get too skinny, or else I'll lose muscle, and won't do well in the competition this Saturday. It's so hard eating like this--it makes me a tad cranky and lathargic later on in the night when I pretty much stop my carb intake all together.

Nick and I went to see JACKASS the movie yesterday. Now holy jesus that's some fucked up shit! I laughed, I cringed, I often had to look away. Something about watching really gross men barf on the big screen really makes me just..gag..eww gross.

Nick looked so hot yesterday. He's such a fuckin' hottie. And he's all mine. He's freakin' wrapped around my pinky finger. :)

LoVeGrace