Wed, Oct 23, 2002 - 12:12 p.m.

5 minutes is all I have.

I went to Mississauga with Maria last night to go bathing suit shopping--

and in the end I was content and had bought a pretty cotton candy pink sparkly brazilian show bikini--and she was depressed and had nothing.

She said her legs were too muscular, her butt was too big and her boobs were too small--and sadly it's all true.

She is incredibly fit, but there's only so much you can do with what nature gave you. You can diet and exercise all you want but your shape is not going to change. I felt bad because the small size bottoms were still too big for my butt (I'm having it altered), yet her ass was falling out of the mediums. I purchased a C cup top and she could barely fit the A cup. Don't get me wrong, she's very much in shape, but this fitness competition has a specific look in mind. Today I found out she has suffered from Anorexia, so that makes me feel worse. She called in sick to work today; I hope she's alright. I did my best to make her feel better last night but apparently it didn't work. Now not only am I on my own in the show, but now I have guilty feelings about Maria. But what can I do?

Before the show I still need a glamorous full piece suit, my nails done, competition-tan (lotion), and show make-up.

I need to eat lots of protein (with every meal) and exclude dairy, breads and pastas, fruit juices and can only have fruit moderately.

Ah gotta go.

lovegrace