Sat, Feb 07, 2004 - 3:39 p.m.

Lets go back / back to the beginning...

Today I hate everything that surrounds me. I hate the pressure that is put on me at work to be perfect. I hate the disappointment that I feel every day. I hate my life. I want to leave.

LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN.

I cannot wait until the 19th...when I get to leave for New Orleans. I have some crazy ideas. I want to stay there. Selena left Joey (the father of my neice Jolie)--and might get her own appartment. I could SO live with her if I wanted. But that's stupid...I'm going to go to school here in March and everything will be okay. I won't be a failure. I'm going to finish my modeling courses and become a model. Please let things work out...I just want to be somewhere else. I have this constant feeling of "on edge" that I can't explain. I'm constantly worrying...but I'm not exactly sure what about. It's taxing and that's why I keep getting sick.

I have sooo much phlem in my lungs that it hurts to breathe. I have bronchitis again and had to go home sick today, and that just makes me worry even more. Why do I have to give such a damn? If I'm such the uncaring, bad person my Dad tells me that I am...then why do I care so much it hurts?

I just need to get out...and come clean.

lovegrace