Sun, Oct 13, 2002 - 9:27 a.m.

For some reason the amount that my body is aching makes me happy and proud. I know I need today and tomorrow for my muscles to heal themselves.

Yesterday I came home and slept and slept and then got ready to go out. God I love my body, my blonde hair, my face. I felt so powerful yesterday. I KNOW I sound fickle, cocky, whatever, but that's not the idea. The confidence I have gives me so much power. Power in my relationship, as well as power in everyday situations. The party at Nick's friend's house last night is a perfect example. Lots of Nick's guy friends plus some girls in a basement--and I felt totally confident and had a pretty good time. I got a few nice compliments from the guys and a few "comments" as well (which made Nick sneer), but it was all good.

As far as the "how did I become so comfortable in my skin" question; it's hard to pinpoint exactly how it happened. Having as much dominance and power as I did in my last relationship totally boosted my self-esteem. Believe it or not just being able to be completely and utterly naked with someone gave me new-found confidence. Working away any possible flaw to my body has made a HUGE difference too. Instead of just BEING, I have worked (out), and transformed my body into something amazing. I have nothing to hide, what-so-ever. I have nothing I am ashamed of. I am just naked. I am just me.

Hey, I just remembered--I had a dream about Hanson last night. What's with that? A side note about Taylor (I used to want him) and his wife--who got married because she got pregnant. Okay, how hard is it NOT to fuck up like that??? Take the goddamn pill AND/OR use a condom. It works! Jesus, I lost all respect for that guy.

Nick is picking me up in a couple hours to go out for lunch, and then we're doing some more bikini/bathingsuit shopping for my competition that is coming up in a couple weeks. I also need clear heels. After that he's dropping me off at my cousin's house in Guelph where I'll be hanging with my cousins and relatives and celebrating Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for...my health.

i believe that love is the answer/ i believe love will find a way

lovegrace