Mon, Jan 19, 2004 - 10:03 a.m.

I am so fucked in the head.

I turned 21 last Thursday. It was a good birthday. Nick got me a bracelet (he mentioned yesterday how funny it was that he was slowly covering me in jewelery--"I'm decorating you...like a Christmas Tree...a pretty Christmas Tree". HAHAHA.

Friday night Cathie took me out for birthday drinks....and a certain band (that shall nameless...seriously!) was playing. The last few times that I haven't been able to come out a certain lead singer has been asking about me. Well I don't know what it was (most likely the 5 Pur Source's and multiple shots) but I ended up a little too close with him. I've never done anything like this before...and things almost got out of hand...I don't know how to describe what happened. But it was soooo bad/good. Confusing. This lead singer is married. I'm sooo fucked in the head for messing around with him. I definitely cannot take all the blame though...I've never had someone want me so bad. He wouldn't settle down. Christ.

I'm living in my new house these days...It's a brand spankin' new house in a rich area. I love it here. My room is kickass, and I have the whole top floor to myself.

Oh god..the more I write the more I realize all that I haven't filled you in on..... the week before I moved was HELL. It was the most disturbing messed up week of my life.

My grandma (who I was close with) was killed. It was a horrible freak accident and everyone was talking about it. My grandpa accidentally backed up into her in their driveway as they were packing to drive down to Florida. He freaked out when he heared her scream and accidentally hit the gas pedal instead of the break and basically crushed her. I was at Nick's when it happened and he drove me to the hospital when my mom called my cell phone and I made her tell me what happened. I balled for hours. I saw her dead body; it was so horrifying. I will never forget it for the rest of my life. And imagine how my grandpa feels; it makes me hurt to think about it. I loved her so much. I had seen her that morning; and she brought me an early birthday card. I opened it on Thursday and it almost broke my heart. I feel exploitative even writing about this. Ughh.

I also had major dental surgery that week, fixing 3 cavities (I brush, honest!) and I got bonding on some front teeth that were little. They're much more Britney Spearsish now. They look good.

It was such a hard week and I knew I had caught something that week...being so messed up mentally. Nick took me to the walk-in clinic yesterday because I had a chest cough and my throat tasted like blood. Turns out I have bronchitis. Joy. I have modeling tonight; so I cancelled my clients today until I get my antibiotics later on.

Did I mention I'm going back to New Orleans this year to see my big sister, and my neice, and (coincidentally, wink wink) for Mardi Gras. The tickets are already booked and my younger sister is going too. I'm excited. This is in like ONE MONTH!! Unfortunately after I booked the tickets, I realized that MARDI GRAS falls on Nick's Birthday this year. I was like SHIT!!! I feel bad, but he insisted he didn't mind; that we could celebrate when I get back. I still feel bad.

Anyhow, that's a little of what's going on with me. Work's good, except I'm behind on my monthly goals BIG TIME, because I had to take so much time off for the funeral and such. What can I do? It's just not working for me this month (selling training).

Leave me a message if you want :)

LoveGrace